I did breed 3 Eevee in Soul Silver while I was in the waiting room.
So my ovaries have large follicles. The lining of my uterus is normal, the mass gone, and I have big old honking follicles.
I’m at risk for developing pcos, but do not have it yet. The goal is to avoid it.
And I asked about future fertility. Call me fertile myrtle, someday it’s quite likely I can produce demon spawn. Provided I do not develop retarded cyst-y ovarian implosions.
My ovarian discomfort is still a mystery, but it might be my large follicles. Fuckers.
So I guess thats good news for angrycooch.tumblr, you know, my junk is still a mystery. But for Katie, this no diagnosis, could be meat could cake bullshit just got that much more confusing. There is still no end in sight. I see my obgyn again in 2 months, though.
Also, I have really bad gas,like raunch as fuck dying animal farts. That is not helping my mood.
It’s two in the morning, my boyfriend is at work, my body is like FEED ME DICK.
In between sending him dirty texts and listening to the audio book I rented from the library (seriously, I’m like a teenage boy and an AARP cardholder in a twenty something body), apparently the only thing left to do is tell the internet. And make hot pockets.
“here is a list of lies you’ve been told by my silence: 1. that women are empty things who only experience being filled by you. 2. that we are abjectly grateful for this and 3. that women aren’t visual and 4. that novels aren’t porn and 5. that i have a queen size bed because i…
Ugh, I've had a lot of period problems too and reading your blog makes me know that I'm not alone. Do you want to have kids in the future? Do you ever get scared and think you might not be able to?
Absolutely terrified. I started thinking about egg harvesting and surrogates and adopting as soon as I realized that my shit is all retarded and I’m probs barren. I’m really selfish in the way of wanting to have my own children naturally or whatever, and it really depressed me at first.
Shit, it’s still depressing. But my desire for ankle biters is strong enough for me to go to China or east LA or wherever and pick me up whatever is dropped off at the fire station. I have baby fever.
I had a run in with a mouth breather in the feminine products aisle of walmart today. I needed tampons, I needed them yestetday, and a big dork ape was in my way.
I’ve been playing pokemon emerald all fucking day, so of course it played out in my head as though I were playing the game, starting with Katie uses attract, wild dork ape is immobilized by love, Katie uses knock off, wild dork drops 3 boxes of tampons and uses growl.
I can’t really call the wild dork a dork anymore now that I’ve admitted that.
It looked like the guy was made to stock the tampon aisle as a punishment for sucking at his regular job. He actually did drop 3 boxes of tampons, and was totally ignoring the fact that I was standing behind him, needing to get to the boxes he was fumbling with. He knew I was there, he looked me in the fucking eye.
So I passive aggressively stood behind him, watching him suck at his job more, because it was making him that much more fumble-y and I was amused. Dork ape was playing chicken with the wrong bitch, I write about my cunt on the internet, you are not going to embarrass me by making me reach around you.
But I got bored after about 2 seconds and ended up pushing my way through him because my foot tapping and polite but plenty audible “excuse me” was clearly not enough. Open sesame, something disturbed my cave of wonders and that shit was hungry for bleached cotton. You are in my way, son.
It’s probably the most excitement I’ve had all week. Blood boiling from a run in with a dumb dork with a bowl haircut and birth control glasses. It almost makes me want to run back up to the store to poop in his aisle and not bury it.
Because I’m dominant or something.
God, all I want to do is make out. Get with the touchy feely, you know all grabby hands with the boyfriend’s butt.
He has a perfect butt.
But then I will get all sexually frustrated and want to bone and my vagina is a fenced off, electric fenced off crime scene. A pain dungeon, even. Where my cooch canal is an iron maiden and offending penises are all hell bent on beating my cervix with clubs. Or something.
Clubs covered in broken glass doused in rubbing alcohol.
So this is the part where I’m 16 again and I use tumblr like a livejournal. Only when I was 16 I was too shy to even say the word vagina.
Last month was indeed a cruel joke, that glorious dripping faucet of a period was a fluke.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been bleeding because I have bronchitis and the meds I’m on are pretty much leaving me in a coma sleep.
So this month will tell me what my periods are like, fml, food food food, how does my body contain this much anything, food food food, no sex ever again, food oh fuck me there is not enough food on this earth. That is the gist so far.
I haven’t really been updating lately because the only thing going on with my angry cooch is that it is a dry, barren wasteland.
The aygestin gives me weird cramps and hormonal insanity, and I could write for ages about how bat shit crazy I get when I miss a date with my boyfriend because the lady hormones up in this bitch turns me into the neediest, whiniest woman on god’s green earth.
And suddenly, I understand the whole woman/chocolate thing. I used to think y’all were just secret fatties when you were bleeding, because I never craved chocolate before or on shark week. But holy shit, I can’t get enough. I’mma be honest here, I don’t much like chocolate. Normally.
It’s like I’m a real girl now or something.
So not much going on with the hoo-hah. I should be starting my period next week, I have about 5 days of pills left for this month. I’m expecting a biblical flood. Hoping for a leaky faucet. Gonna eat me some more M&M’s.
Aside from my vagina, I have another chronic irritation in another part of my body. I suffer from the childhood illness of LOTS OF FUCKING EAR INFECTIONS. Last year I had an infection in the middle part of both ears, the outer part of both ears, a perforated eardrum and pneumonia. In 2009, I had an abscess on my left ear, and needed emergency surgery to cut all the cartilage off of my ear. I’m the champion of shitty things happening all at once.
Right now it’s just an infection in my canal, but it hurts like a son of a bitch. But nobody is interested in angry ears, really, so I thought it’d be better to complain about that to my boyfriend instead.
So that is why I’ve been MIA. …I’m boring, in short. The party starts in about a week, guys. Hang in there, unless you’re truly interested in the green infection juices dribbling out of my left ear. Or the fact that my pill antibiotic, Keflex, smells like rotting vagina. Tastes like dog farts, while I’m describing gross things.
Started a new month on aygestin. No vagina changes. Except the cut I got shaving the other day.
I was in a rush, whatever.
I started this gross new shampoo routine. As in, I stopped using shampoo today. I replaced shampoo with a baking soda/water mixture and an apple cider vinegar rinse with some perfume oil in it. Because acv smells like cornhole.
Surprisingly, my hair and scalp feels so much cleaner so far. I thought i’d have a issue with no conditioner, but between this and getting my hair thinned at the salon, I no longer feel like I’m wearing ten peoples worth of hair on my head. And surprise, its drying curly.
I dunno if I’ll stick with it. I’m giving it two, maybe three weeks. If I’m gross and smelly, back to shampoo and conditioner.
Fuck anyone who thinks I’ll be doing that gross no soap thing, though.